Singapore Citizen Journalism 新闻前线

May 29, 2012

再见妈妈 Good Bye ,Mom..

Filed under: Uncategorized — hkboh @ 5:09 pm


15-April 2011

Hi everybody, i would like to say a few words to remember my mother.

Koh Ai Tee, my mom was a kind hearted and brave lady. She would love me and my father, always putting ahead our needs over hers. She is selfless to the point where she’ll rather suffer, be insulted or misunderstood for her good intentions.
She has a brave heart. I remember the story told by my dad about this one time when they were on holiday in Sweden. A big-sized American man threatened dad and mocked him thinking he was a Japanese soldier. Small sized as she was, mom rushed to my dad’s defiance and used her head to butt the fellow’s chest. My father will always recount that story as an example of how mom would put everybody’s need ahead of herself.

My mother is a faithful Christian. For her physically weak body, she makes up by having a tough and strong mentality. On top of that, she places so much faith and hope in God. Through the course of the past year, mother underwent so much injections, chemotherapy, radiology and different drug change. Strong as she was, her body is still very human, and a physical body is so very limited in this temporal world.

Mother often wondered what lesson is God trying to teach her? Could it be she hasn’t been a good witness to her faith? At her darkest moment, i remember seeing her cry out “My God has disappeared, my God has disappeared.” That was very heartbreaking for dad and I. And yet after a while, mom would have willed herself and absolutely convinced herself that God is in control. Jesus loves her. And then we would hum the children song. “Jesus loves all the children, all the children in the world….” A simple children hymn, which is my mom, always childlike, always faithful. When she was slipping in and out of consciousness, father whispered to her “Do you know i love you a lot, a lot?” She said “You don’t even have to say it, I already know, but love God first then me and Wei.” She said that during her most difficult moments. I often wonder where she gets her faith from. Her anguish and pain is very real, but friends, so is her faith. Right to the end.

I am thankful that God allowed us enough time to say our goodbyes, twice in fact. When she was last warded, and doctors told us we only have a few weeks left. Since then, i have had heart-to-heart conversations with mom. This was something hard to do in an Asian culture. Where love is not outwardly expressed. Yet it is very important to say the words that matter. So I had an idea, to write letters to mom in a journal, she would write me back. To and fro, our correspondence nearly filled an entire book.

All through my adult life, i never really allowed my parents to fully participate in my search for my identity, and purpose in life. A struggle with my faith is also something very personal and i would wrestle my own demons and deliberately exclude my parents from the process. How i grow in the Lord is also a different experience as what my mom and dad went through. Although so, they’ve always taken little bits and pieces of time to show me how God has been gracious and good to our family since young. Mother said she has been praying for me even I was born. She prayed for her future husband, and God sent her my dad.

I have been placed in such a loving family who gives me the space to grow, to make my own mistakes and learn from them. God says “I am love.” But what does that mean for us? And then i look at Dad and Mom’s unfailing care and love for each other and i am convinced there is no better place for me to learn that than here, with Dad and Mom.

Mom would encourage me to talk to God about every little thing. She said that she always prayed for my future wife. And so, time will tell how that turns out.

I am thankful that i get to promise my mother that i will never let go of my faith, though we all have our own disillusions with Christianity and in God every once so often, i assured her that i will always remember my roots. Brothers, sisters and friends, people that i love, and who love me back, i am also counting on you to hold me to that promise.

I am thankful that i get to hug my mother, kiss my mother, hold her hands and tell her that i love her and even though she said not to be sad and to miss her, Dad and I will miss her very much.

God is good, even through our darkest moments; he has sent countless friends to support us. For food, for companionship, for heart-to-heart conversations. We have never been in want. You know individually who you are. My father and I are very thankful. Perhaps a reminder that God does not only exist in church, along the pews or over communion. Our God is an infinite God who is in the big things right down to the tiniest details. Your care and concern is one of those. God is also evident in my mom’s life. Her selflessness, love and gentle heart. There is still good in this world, it is with a heavy heart to say that my father and I have lost one of those who are good, and is beautiful today.

Thank you all for listening.







嗨,大家好,我想讲几句话,记念我的母亲。( 15/4/2011)



我的母亲是一位虔诚的基督徒。她的身体虽然虚弱瘦小,但是她面对艰难的事时,有着强大的心态和意志力。最重要的是,她把自己的信仰和对上帝的盼望,通过对过去一年的过程中,都充份的表现 出来。。母亲病时经历了这么多的注射,化疗,放射和对着不同的药物影响变化,她的身体已是受不了。。。但因为她凭着是强大的意志,那是人性化和一个肉体在这个时空世界是非常有限的。。她最后差点崩溃!

爸对我说,母亲经常在想,是上帝试图对她有什么教训?道是她一直没有一个很好的见证和信心不够?在她最黑暗的时刻,我记得我看到她哭了,“ 我的上帝已经消失,已经消失了,我的上帝你在哪里?。。”这是很心痛的一段时刻,爸爸和妈妈会任性绝对相信自己是在神控制中。。因为耶稣爱她。然后我们会一起哼唱妈喜欢的儿歌: 耶稣爱世界上所有的孩子,所有的孩子……”这是一首简单的儿童赞美歌。。这就是我的妈妈。她总是很孩子气,她总是很忠实。。当她的意识和体力开始滑落时,父亲低声对她的        “你知道我爱你很多,很多吗?”她说:“你不说出来,我已经知道,但要爱上帝,然后才爱我和阿威。。”这是在她最困难的时刻所说的话。。我常想,在那里她得到了她信仰的保证。她的痛苦是非常真实的,但是,朋友们,这是她坚持的信仰。。一直到她生命的结束。。。







上帝是好的,甚至通过我们最黑暗的时刻,他已派出无数的朋友来支持我们。不断供应食物,心对心的陪伴着我们谈话。这是我们从来没有想得到 的。你们心里清楚知道我在讲的“你”是谁。。我父亲和我心里都非常感激你们。这也是提醒我们,神不只是存在教堂里,在座位或高高在上的崇拜里。。而是,我们的神是无限的上帝,祂无所不在,从大的事情到最微小的细节。。您们的关心和照顾就是其中之一。上帝在我妈的生活例子中也很明显,她对生活的热爱,无私的爱和温柔的心。在这个世界上虽然仍然有好多好多美好的事物,但是我以一个很沉重的心情对你们说,今天父亲和我已经失去了一个最好的和最美丽妈妈的过去。



莫泽威。  粗糙翻译:莫泰驹2012年六月一日







Filed under: Uncategorized — hkboh @ 5:04 pm

2012 年 守岁 分享







感谢上帝对我们的爱,感谢上帝的恩典,感谢上帝给我们盼望,感谢上帝赐生命中玫瑰有刺,感谢上帝赐生命中有春夏秋冬,感谢上帝祷告不应允,感谢上帝赐下平安喜乐。。感谢上帝赐予弟兄姐妹的爱心 . . 。。
感谢祂直到永永远远,天荒地老。。让我们毫不留情的信任上帝,让我们拒绝以完美的辩才代替自己个人对上帝的委身。。荣耀归于阿爸父神 .

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